Pack Creek Ranch, San Juan County Utah
Summer comes – already hot, dry, and windy – high fire danger.
SPORK, SPLAYD, FORFOON story
(I trust you recognize this utensil – even have one.)
Back in the day, in the culture I grew up in, a young woman about to be married would visit the bridal registry section of a department store to pick out her choices for domestic life – including silverware, table china, and crystal. Her friends and family would then know her preferences and could purchase items from her selection as gifts in honor of her wedding. A convenient arrangement for the giver and the bride. (Note that it was not called a bride-and-groom registry.)
Fast forward.
An engaged couple, close friends of mine, and serious backpackers, had opened an account at the local department store in the bridal registry section, and I duly checked in to do my part and make a selection. It was there that I met the only person I’ve ever encountered who did not know the name of my choice.
“I was hoping for a spork. Did the bride pick out any sporks?”
“WHAT?”
“Sporks are also called Splayds and Forfoons.”
The perky young clerk, speechless, blushed.
Well, when the student is available, the teacher is ready.
You can imagine.
Fast forward.
The local outdoor equipment store had several versions of sporks on hand, and I bought a set of eight stainless steel sporks, thinking the bride and groom would appreciate how cool it would be to set a table with only sporks.
Ha.
The mother of the bride did not agree. She said it was an insulting gift from another one of their hippie friends and took the sporks away. I learned this at the rehearsal dinner when I asked why there were no sporks laid out for the meal. I meant well.
The look between the bride and her mother was a clue.
The laughter from the groom didn’t help.
———-
Hominoids began equipped with eating utensils – fingers, palms, teeth – and in some parts of the world, that’s still all that’s used for meals. And then came knives, forks, spoons, and bowls. And now, sporks. (There are several videos on YouTube illustrating the history of the variations on these spoon/fork combinations.)
Progress.
If you do a lot of online shopping, you can choose between more than 30 variations of sporks made of plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, wood, and silver. There are even biodegradable models. Combat-grade sporks exist – with knives in the handles. Fast food restaurants, airlines, school lunches, prisons, ice cream parlors, and the military all provide sporks for meals. Sporks have become ubiquitous, usually free.
But you can’t buy them through the bridal registries.
Yet.
I think it’s because we haven’t yet quite got the perfect spork for any and all food consumption. We keep tinkering with the idea of a spork you can eat anything with – and then eat the spork for dessert. Edible strawberry forks exist. Yes.
Human obsession with innovation has no limit.
Onward!